I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
