I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
