my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
