Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
