well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
