your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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