There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
