so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
