I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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