I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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