i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Found the puke drawer
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
