Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
