You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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