You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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