Betty ford says i'm here all night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize