Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
