Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
