I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
