ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
