She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
