I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
