I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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