So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
