Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
