I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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