before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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