No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
