I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
