after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
