i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
