i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
