i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
