you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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