He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am available for nakedness
Let the clothes fall where they may.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
