Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
