No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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