I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
