This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
