there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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