dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
