im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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