She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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