I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
