I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
