Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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