When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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