So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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