what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
