Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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