Michael Bay diarrhea
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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