If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
ttyl tear gas
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
