The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
