Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
