I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
