now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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