Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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