so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
