I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
