i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
