I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
