I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
