I love black thongs
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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