Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
