dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
