I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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