There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
