Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
