You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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