remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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