he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
