I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
