There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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