Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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