You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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