please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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