I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
