I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
