He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
pray to the hookup gods
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize