He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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