I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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