chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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