can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
