So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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