booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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