Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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