Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
