Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize