My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
