My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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