I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
