Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
