I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
