there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
