I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
